'Tis the season

The lay minister was trying to find the baskets he distributed in the two quadrants he was assigned to: for some reason, while waiting for the last rows of church pews, the baskets were lost. The offertory has already started when he suffered a mild stroke, leaving the entire mass postponed.


There was this family who used up all their twenty years worth of savings to hire an interior designer and an electrician in wiring up their house with Christmas lights. These two drilled a hole in their roof for a chimney.

Upon the request of their children, they installed foam machines in the living room which ran all day.

A toy train bisected the house and its perimeters with matching landscape of rolling hills topped with styrofoam snow and pine trees bent by blizzards and little people camping and little skyscrapers which light up at night. The entire railroad had 24 stations.

They carved roast chicken every dinner until one of the sons complained about eating foil from one of the drumsticks. They resorted to roast beef for three more nights.

During evenings the father and his two sons threw logs on their fireplace, while the mother and her two daughters nibbled at their candy canes. This was the case for seventeen nights, and it was a ceremony in their household of six maids and two drivers.

The parents drank softdrinks on ice-cold mugs.

Three weeks before Christmas, major news channels were all deploying their OB vans to get a good shot of their house. The parents felt ecstatic with the results. We will be famous, the father said.

When they were interviewed they sensed it's the best time to display their wealth by wearing their finest liveries, and they did, and then they posed in front of their Christmas tree shipped from Baguio. It had all the right bells and balls and a parol on top of it, one of the daughters exclaimed before the short circuit occurred. In the footage was the mother's twang: "Sometimes we're convince [sic] that it's winter in our house already." This was her last sentence.


It would be wonderful to think of the entire earth's crust as a pizza crust, I said. It would cater to everyone's favorite pizza crust, and we would be kneeling to eat it.